Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
