i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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