East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
