This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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