this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
