We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
