how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
