ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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