The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's blow job season.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
