told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
