but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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