I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
