I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
