I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
