I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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