so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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