He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
this is an emotional support booty call
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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