did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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