So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
