i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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