I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
