We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize