I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
