do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
