Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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