Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
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