no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just invented taco cereal.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
