So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
