I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Randomize
