first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
