Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
