I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
