why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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