My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
