I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
