Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
