New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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