WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
