pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
