He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
