No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hippo gnu deer
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
