you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
