I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
