My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
