It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
