I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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