apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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