got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
