Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I looked at my own cervix.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
