Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
