I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
