I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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