so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
