Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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