You really coming over, don't trick.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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