Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
