In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize
