im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
