I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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