omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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