i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
