He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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