I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
