You work out of a Hotel?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
