I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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