I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
