Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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