Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
pop tarts are not kleenex
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
