my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
