Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
