Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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