Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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