I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
