I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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