You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
