I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
