Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
