I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
