FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
